Bespoke: A programming language for people who say please
summary
Modern programming languages are unnecessarily aggressive in their terminology and syntax, treating computers as servants rather than collaborators. Bespoke solves this by requiring developers to use extreme courtesy, formal greetings, and polite apologies for every operation. This shift in tone transforms the act of coding into a civilised diplomatic exchange, ensuring that machine execution never comes at the expense of good manners.
key points
- The language replaces terse commands with formal requests, requiring developers to address the compiler and runtime with appropriate salutations and expressions of gratitude.
- Strict social etiquette is enforced through the type system and compiler, which rejects vulgar abbreviations and American English spellings in favor of full, formal descriptions.
- Technical failures and concurrency issues are reframed as social misunderstandings, replacing 'deadlocks' with 'Exemplary Stalemates of Mutual Deference' and 'crashes' with formal letters of resignation.
who should read it
Software developers and language designers who appreciate satire, linguistic humor, and the absurdity of overly verbose formal communication.
discussion warm
consensus
Commenters generally find the project humorous and appreciate its satirical take on politeness in programming. Many participants engage in theplaying along with the joke by suggesting more polite alternatives to technical terms, such as replacing 'Exception' with 'A bit of a pickle'. While a few users dismiss the content as AI-generated slop, the overall mood is lighthearted and celebratory of esolangs as a form of art.
top insight
The discussion reveals a deeper reflection on the terminology of computer science, noting that common terms like 'kill', 'abort', and 'execute' are inherently violent. This observation suggests that the language we use to describe technical processes shapes our relationship with the system, and treating the compiler with respect could be a satirical metaphor for improving software quality.
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